The Doctor's Hidden Saddness
by ana1210
Summary: This is a one-shot set in the  9th and 10th POV of the Doctor and how he feels about everyone leaving and or dying.


**A/N: Hey. I haven't written a Doctor Who FF for a long time. My last one was a twilight cross over with Doctor Who. You should read it. This Fanfic is going to be about how the doctor feels about the loss of his companions. This is set in the 10****th**** doctor's POV. Enjoy and don't forget to review. **

Life sucks. I try so hard to be someone important. Every time I get a new companion they leave me and each time it hurt's even if I don't admit it.

I met this wonderful person name Rose Tyler. She was so wonderful; to admit it I loved her like I loved no other. She understood me and was always there for me.

When doomsday came along she wanted to stay and help even though I told her not to stay. I made her go yet she didn't want to. Everything was fine, the portal was closing and we could be together but the leaver went down and she pulled it back up to save the world I was in. She was holding on to it but could no longer hold on. Her grip slipped and it was like slow motion for me.

I saw her let go of the leaver and she slowly plunged into the abyss of empty space. I tried to reach out for her but I couldn't reach and I couldn't let go because the world needed me. I wanted to let go but I couldn't. I screamed out her name and she screamed mine. It was as if screaming would give us more time. My mind ran through numerous options for what I could do but no of them would get me and her together and back to the world we were meant to be in.

Before she went into the land of emptiness her 'father' got her and took her to the parallel world Rose was meant to be in before she came and helped me.

The portal closed and I broke down on the inside. I went over to closed portal which was now a wall. I leaned my head against it and it was if I could hear her tears. I wanted to sit on the floor and cry so much, but I had to be strong.

An idea popped into my mind. I knew a way I could see her one last time. I could burn up a sun to see her. I had to do it; it was Rose for goodness sake. I decided to do it; I somehow got her to meet me in Norway at Bad Wolf Bay. Who knew what would happen in a couple of years relating to the word Bad Wolf.

I met her there and we only had a couple of minutes to talk. She was so sad and heart broken. She said she loved me and I was about to when the TARIS cut off the connection. I didn't even get to tell her goodbye or that I loved her. It hurt so much I just wanted to break down and cry but I had to go on and do what a time lord does.

After Rose, Donna and I became companions again and she left me too. She was such a great help she even became Doctor Donna. She was with me all the time and she met my 'daughter' Jenny. Having another daughter sparked memories of when I was once a father. It hurt to be reminded that I wasn't invincible and there were other things that could bring me down besides my regenerations.

I was so happy with Donna she put my mind at rest and I could just put my problems into the back of my mind until later. She was comforting and she always wanted to help even if it could wreck time, like in Pompeii.

It was soon inevitable that she had to leave me like the others. She didn't leave of free choice but I made her. After she became Doctor Donna it became too much for her to take. I liked having someone else that had a mind like mine.

I took away the wonderful mind she had concocted but I didn't just have to do that. To keep her alive I had to take her memory of me away from her. I had to take away the excitement, the fun, the time travel and the memories and feelings for me. It hurt to do that a lot but it had to be done. I cared about her and I rather risk my loneliness than someone's life.

Donna could never remember me neither could she hear my name, see me or anything else related to me. I left her in peace and I haven't seen her since.

After that I was companions with Martha Jones. She didn't have to leave me neither was she summoned to emptiness. Her feelings for me got in the way. I couldn't reciprocate those feelings because I wasn't human. I don't die, I regenerate. I wouldn't be fair to her for her to love me and me not to love her.

She wanted me and when she left she said she couldn't be friends with someone that wouldn't even look at her twice.

She just walked away from me under her own free will and she never wanted to travel with me again. I let her go; I mean I couldn't exactly chain her up and make her go with me now could I.

Martha still called me when the Earth was in grave danger but besides that I haven't seen her since.

I know I should have hated the master but he was a timelord like me. As much as I hate my companions leaving me I hate being alone. The master was someone else like me, I was no longer alone until the prophecy about 'the sound of drums' came along.

He had the chance to regenerate but he just didn't want to and it hurt so much I just wanted to punch something. I didn't want to be alone. After my companions all left me it hurt a lot. I had no one. I didn't even have another timelord to keep me company. Loneliness is sadness.

When journey's end came along, I had a chance to be with Rose but . . . I was shot and I started to regenerate. I didn't want to leave so I by-passed the regenerate cycle. I was still me but my time was coming.

Being alone hurts and then I regenerated. I had to blow up my TARDIS and everything went then I became a man with a bow tie.

Everyone leaves me and soon I will have no more regenerations and I will become nothing but dust.

**The End.**

**A/N: What'd you think; emotional, hurting etc.? Does it fit into the Doctor's POV or not? Well I hope you liked it and don't forget to review. Tell me if you liked it and if it captured the Doctor's inner essence. If not tell me why. Please review.**

**Love, Ana1210**


End file.
